I can hardly believe that I now have a tantalizing-two days until I depart for Patagonia with One of A Kind and some other very talented photographers. It's been a long time coming, so much preparation and so much money has been spent so that I can even go on this trip, so it's no wonder that it's starting to feel a little intimidating, because I don't want to let anyone down, at the very least myself, because I really don't know when I'll get to go back.
I've been so busy getting things done before I go away, I feel like I've had no time to myself and yet, I'd get on the plane tomorrow if I could, just to get away from it all. Another interesting emotion that's beginning to emerge, is a little self-doubt. I'd rather have a little fear to keep me grounded, take things in my stride and be focused, not flighty.
I know it really shouldn't be impacting upon me, my lead up to this trip hasn't exactly been easy on the mind, and some of it has been wearing off on me. Excitement and fear are living together in my head, when they really shouldn't be.
Fear of failure.
There's so much attention being focused on this trip, the fellow photographers and what they're known for, but what am I known for?
I have to constantly remind myself that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what they think, or think of me, that as long as I trust in myself and my skills, that is what matters.
It doesn't matter that my style is a little bit of this and that. It doesn't matter that I don't shoot full time Panoramas, that I do what I can to capture a scene the way that I see it - that's my style. Just because it doesn't boil down to a repeatable formula every single time, that doesn't make me less of an artist, showing her view of the scenery.
Take a deep breath, it'll be here before I know it and happening in a matter of days.
Packing has frustrated me, I've unpacked and packed so much over the last 6 hours that I have just given in, and will readjust if the weight is too much, better that than not enough. I'll review it again tomorrow.