^ A single image from a timelapse I'm working on, as part of a larger Tasmania video. Not bad for an impromptu location!
The one thing I love about writing is that I can express how I'm feeling, what I'm seeing and how it is impacting upon me. More than ever right now I'm glad I have a blog where I can write about such things, as indeed this morning I was so conflicted about a choice.
As most of your know, I'm currently at Cradle Mountain, exploring the area for the purpose of photography. The mountain is a melting pot of weather conditions, and in the last few days we've had rain and snow, plus negative temperatures, which usually always result in ice.
Alas, the group labelled the “Adventurous” ones were headed up the mountain in the frigid dark morning in search of sunrise from a different point of view. I was supposed to head up with them, but I didn't.
Why didn't I?
(the great potential for there to be) Black Ice.
I made a decision based upon the fact that the mountain top was due to be perilously slippery, a place where one foot wrong could mean death. A place so cold that humans probably weren't meant to be there in the first place. But first and foremost, I was both scared and excited, but more scared. I had to make a difficult decision based upon personal safety. I had to risk not getting to the great heights that I had dreamed of in the interest of being able to keep on keeping on, for this year and the rest of the photography trips I have planned.
I have talked before about the fine line between crazy and genius. I came to the conclusion that this time it was just too crazy. I faced a mental hurdle today and that was tough.
And then the guilt kicked in.
I had two trains of thought both racing for first place in my mind.
The one on the left was telling me that I was stronger than this, that I could do it and to stop doubting myself, and just do it, because it will be rewarding.
The thoughts on the right, were telling me to be mindful of my personal safety. I did not have experience with icy conditions, and with the threat being breaking a bone, or potentially needing to get airlifted out should anything go wrong, it was just too much to risk.
I feel so guilty that I never tried. I feel like I've lost a star from my shoulder for admitting that it was too much for me. It shouldn't have to be this way, but it is. I'll forever remember not giving it a go, and I dare say that will push me up that hill next year.
So the decision that I did make... Am I happy?
I think so. I have no way of knowing how I would have handled what was thrown at me.
I guess by the point of posting this, I had to come to terms with the fact that I did not feel invincible, and that's okay. It's okay to err on the side of caution especially when it's your life or livelihood.